January 11, 2006

They Don't Lower My Blood Pressure Like the Commercial Promises

For those of you interested in pets of the feline variety, I have three examples of what not to look for:

Exhibit A: 14 year old calico. Sweet, timid. Has been sentenced to living in the back end of our house which consists of the kitchen, office, laundry room, and basement. Within minutes of executing a well-planned escape, she promptly pees on the dining room floor. Source of much arguing between angst and guilt-ridden wife and piss-tired husband. Tolerant of children.

Exhibit B: 9 year old, pure white. This cat is certifiable. He is so neurotic that he even makes himself crazy. Lies in wait until you have a small child fast asleep, then promptly runs into the room, yowling at the top of his purrbox. Quick and agile, good at escaping swift (but gentle) kicks to the behind. Loves to be outside. Gets forgotten outside a lot. Master complainer. Has tried to scratch children, but mostly tries to scare them off with his loud meow.

Exhibit C: 5 year old, pure black. Our boarder. Does not care if we come or go. Eats our catfood, sleeps on our bed, messes our catboxes (without covering the evidence, thank you very much). Does little to earn his keep. Goes to the dog for affection, and steals her bed at night, so that she sleeps with humans. Family could go on vacation for a month, and this cat would not take notice, I think. Puts scratches into any available woodwork, infuriating husband. Lowers himself to actually playing with children, on occasion, if favorite toy is involved.

M. has said that if all three of these cats were rolled into one, their habits would be so bad, we'd get rid of them. I tend to agree.

But their mine, and I love them. Unless you want them. Do you want them??


Blogger Lauri said...

I love your blog. I have a crazy cat as well- but i do love her.
keep up the good work with your weight loss goals. Im cheering you on.

January 12, 2006 5:24 PM  
Blogger Margaret said...

Maybe you would like my cat. He's overweight beyond all imagination, believes the litter box is only for one function and they other should be done on the floor, has hairballs roughly the size of Texas, and chews the ends off the leaves of my houseplants. Plus, he hides from everyone -- people probably think he's imaginary like Snuffalupagus to Big Bird.

January 12, 2006 7:39 PM  

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