March 31, 2006

Rant

5K -- Why do you taunt me?

Why do you sit out there in the forefront of my guilty conscience, egging me on? What's it to you if I accomplish you or not?

The ticker at the top of this blog is like a neon sign flashing "Loser! Loser!" It calls me out, tells me times a wastin'. It asks me in its loud, unpleasant voice, "What are you doing about it Bethany?"

You take one look at my shin splints, my blistered ankle, my troubled knee and wave them away with a snort. Excuses. Let me know when you're ready to get serious.

You're mine 5K, like it or not. I will cross your finish line. I may be walking, crawling, limping, wheezing, crying, but I will cross it.

Today I did my first 30/30 run, the first step in my grand plan in taking you down. For 10 minutes I power walked, then I started the cycles: 15 minutes of jogging for 30 seconds followed by 30 seconds of walking. Here's an excerpt of how it went:

Cycle 1: I can do this, no problem. 30 seconds? That's nothing.

Cycle 2: 30 second, 30 seconds, 30 seconds. I can do anything for 30 seconds.

Cycle 3: Exercise bites. Chocolate covered peanuts don't bite. They're smooth and creamy and you can eat them while you're sitting down.

Cycle 4: I should have stayed home and ate some chocolate covered peanuts.

Cycle 5: Seriously? Who thought of this? I ask you Universe--WHY? Why is running so hard? And why are chocolate covered peanuts so good?

Cycle 6: I'm quitting at 10. 10 is ok. 10 is a good start. 10 is admirable. Maybe not admirable, but it's better than 9.

Cycle 7: (catching a glance of my reflection in a storefront) GAH! Fat body, dirty sweatpants, crazy hair, red face, huffing and puffing --I hope I don't see anyone I know.

Cycle 8: JINX! (Thin, pretty, friend of family and also our realtor is walking on the other side of the street) Dammit. Keep your eyes forward, maybe she won't see...."Hi FOF! How are you? Yep, just trying to get some exercise!" Now go tell everyone you know how I've let myself go.

Cycle 9: I'll quit at 11, 11 is a good start.

Cycle 10: f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck

Cycle 11: Wheeze. Sass says, "Mommy? Are you running?" Can't answer her.

Cycle 12: I'm doing it, I'm going for 15. Turning the corner the opposite direction of home so as not to be tempted to cut my run short.

Cycle 13: Hallucinating now, think I see people in a truck at the traffic light laughing at me. Can't possibly be.

Cycle 14: Maybe I miscounted? Maybe this is 15? I wonder if it's normal for my pinky toes to be numb?

Cycle 15: THISSUCKSTHISHURTSICAN'TDOIT!

I did it.

Sure, I thought I went 2.5 miles and it was only 1.7. Sure, that scares me a little. But 5K? Don't underestimate me. I can eat an entire bag of chocolate covered peanuts in one sitting, and I can beat you.


5 Comments:

Blogger Margaret said...

You did it. Good for you.

March 31, 2006 8:39 PM  
Blogger Moxie said...

I hate this effing 5K, too. (And mine's a month before yours is.) But I've got two tips for you:

1. Do NOT allow yourself to think about whether or not you like running while you're running. You know what the answer is, so don't even let your mind go there, or you will stop. Just think about the numbers (how far you are in your workout) and not whether you like it or not.

2. Go to KMart and buy a pair of the new hot pink sweatpants they have there for $14 to run in. I bought a pair a few days ago. They are crazy pink, with lettuce-edge hems, a hibiscus flower, adn 3 rhinestones. They are completely Mariah Carey pants, but they will make you feel like a diva as you run. Plus, KMart sizing is big, so you'll be a smaller size than you think you are.

I also wonder if you're wearing shoes that are working for you. When I got my stride analyzed, all they did was have me run on a treadmill with a video camera trained on it. Then they slowed down the tape to see if I was pronating or supranating. If there was a way you could rig up a camera as you ran on a treadmill, you could do the same analysis, and then find a pair of shoes that was best for you.

I think you're doing a great job.

March 31, 2006 9:47 PM  
Blogger Her Grace said...

Thanks Margaret!

Moxie -

I don't think I can do hot pink and rhinestones. One or the other..maybe..but both..I'll have to think about!

I have always always always had trouble with shin splints whenever I've tried running. I'm doing better this time by warming up 10 minutes and stretching before I even leave the house, but I still struggle with them. I have to have at least a days rest between runs. I don't know what that says about my stride, but something is up.

The knee is a different story. I've been running pushing the girls in our bicycle trailer, and I think it's just too much weight. It also doesn't steer that well, and I think I'm concentrating too much on handling that and not enough on my stride.

BUT..how else am I going to run? If I wait for M. to get him, there's dinner and baths and by then, who has the energy?? Plus, the girls seem to be enjoying the fresh air.

Thanks!!

March 31, 2006 10:23 PM  
Blogger Moxie said...

I ran *once* with the jogging stroller. It is a killer! The good news is that if you do the 5K without it it will be a piece of cake after training witht he stroller.

April 01, 2006 12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

a few pieces of advice -
imagine that your ankles and knees and hips are all part of a machine, and your arms are what runs it.
If you think about the word tired, you will be.
Think about an engine, a train. Think about a song with a good beat, see if sass will sing you a song, it will keep you going
think about the look in your husband's eyes when he sees you feeling sexy-ish!

keep up the good work

April 05, 2006 12:42 AM  

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