May 01, 2006

How Not To Get Your Bedtime Extended

1) Ask your mom if you can stay up late tonight.

2) When she says no, let gravity take hold and fall limp to the ground. Yell things like, "That's not a deal!" and "I'm not going to! Never!"

3) When you see her going upstairs without you, scream -- and demand to be carried.

4) When she offers to hold your hand instead, ignore the fact that she is juggling your sister, pajamas, toothbrushes, and a bottle. Keep screaming that you need to be carried.

5) Demand that she take your sister upstairs, then come back to get you.

6) When she declines your offer, shriek louder. Then -- suddenly -- change tactics and become perfectly reasonable again. See your mom shaking her head in wonder? Good. Keep her on her toes.

7) Upstairs, wait until she has the baby mid-diaper on the changing table and start shrieking again -- this time from the bathroom. Be sure to be just unintelligable enough so that she has to come see what the problem is. Add lots of moaning for dramatic effect.

8) Refuse to let her help you brush your teeth and when you spit your toothpaste into the sink, be sure to "accidently" spit a little on her arm.

9) Wait until she settles into the rocker and starts feeding the baby and then stand in the doorway and start shrieking again. See her and your sister look at you in stunned silence. Ignore her when she asks you to please go pick out your books and put on your jammies. Wait. Wait. Ok, now she looks like she's losing her patience so take off running.

10) Play with your toys instead of choosing your books and putting on your nightie like she asked you too.

11) Ignore her sighing and flopping on your bed while you finally get around to picking out your books.

12) As soon as she has your pull-up and nightie on, tell her you have to poop.

13) Get undressed, sit on potty. After a few minutes tell her you guess you don't have to poop after all.

14) Snuggle in close, listen to books, enjoy some cuddle time, then ask:

"Mama? Can I stay up late tonight?"

When she says no, go back to number 2 and begin again.


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